And what of that night she left me
in someone else’s care and wondered after
if it was the best. And, yet, didn’t return
to fetch me. Left me in the company
of strangers with unfamiliar ways
and quick hands. It was done
and so could be done again.
I had to, she would say. Why not
me? When I read the line in the novel
I’ve read more than once, I stop
and consider words—the choice
of this one versus that.
It’s not shimmying down. It’s not letting
down or even making your way, but climbing—
what signifies ascent but isn’t, here.
I’d sit quietly and try and recall
the color of the walls.
What smell.
What season
outside the window?
And all of this was difficult
and meant altering everything
I thought I knew.